Seriously though, first graders, what a riot!
Every. Single. Day. Without. Fail. When coming in from recess, there are a minimum of 2 tattles. Usually more... either way, here is a rundown from today:
Kid in high-pitched super whiney voice: "He put my coat in POOOOOOP!"
Me in a calm non-yelling voice: "He what? I'm sorry that happened. Are you sure he did it on purpose?"
Again with the super whiney: "Yeeeesssss! He put it in POOOOP!"
By the time we get inside, the story has been told by at least 4 different children and the adult who was on duty. And then...the real comedy gold begins.
I call the darlings over who are involved and talk calmly.
"I've had several reports from students you put her coat in poop. I'd like to give you a chance to explain. What happened?"
"Well, I saw her coat in the trashcan and I took it out. And then"
"NU-UH! He put my coat in poop and then he put it on his wiener"
(looking appalled...) "I DID NOT DO THAT! I DID NOT PUT YOUR COAT ON MY WIENER. I did put it on poop. I'm sorry."
During this exchange, it was quite difficult to maintain my professional demeanor. I had to cover my face to keep from busting a gut. Ah, the life of a first grade teacher. I wish you could have seen the dramatic facial expressions and heard the exceedingly emphatic twang about "pooooop".
And now, Ways to know your teacher loves you:
If you buy her a medium shirt from Abercrombie & Fitch for Christmas and she is wracking her brain trying to figure out how to wear it and not look like a giganto pink puffle. She probably thinks you're great, especially if she's lucky to fit an extra large from Abercrombie & Fitch. Does A&F actually even make XLs? I think they might be "size-ists".
Enjoy your day. I hope you got a little laugh.
~Get your fashion on~